Crossdressing as a coping strategy…

Ever since I figured out the issue I have, crossdressing has appealed to me. I couldn’t say WHY, simply that it did. A facebook friend of mine has thought about this issue (she is a bit further along the path than I am) and has a theory as to why some of us do….

I don’t believe that you’re either “this type” or “that type” of Transsexual person, which is the paradigm they hold. Like everything else in our species, gender identity exists within a spectrum, and while it is probably not changeable, it can certainly be expanded upon.

When I took the SAGE test ( ), it showed I was an Autogynephillic Cross-dresser among other things. I didn’t react well to that – it struck at my heart deeply – I knew it was true… once I found out what it meant. Thing is – the term Autogynephillic Crossdresser – isn’t a widely accepted concept among transexuals. There’s an old joke…

“How much difference is there between a Crossdresser and a Transexual?”
“About 2-3 years”

It’s seen as – and likely very much IS – a ‘trolley stop’ on the way to realising one’s true internal gender. Some stay there, because they do not experience dysphoria as badly – some for other reasons (Wive’s, Family, Religion).

As for erotic cross-dressing, I believe it probably happens a lot more than the Trans community is willing to admit. I also suspect that some people engage in it intensely, while for others it doesn’t really do much, and I’ll explain why. But first, let’s look at the difference between male and female sexual arousal.

A heterosexual male will, almost invariably, feel sexual desire towards a female he considers attractive. Given the opportunity, within a few seconds, he is ready to perform and impregnate a her. It doesn’t really matter to him if she is particularly attracted to him, or interested in him as a person. In some respects, his “thinking” mind shuts off for the duration of the encounter. Sex for a male is very much an “on and off” process. His body seeks the rush of endorphins and dopamine supplied by an orgasm, because this is how nature ensures the perpetuation of our species (and most others.)

A heterosexual female may see a male she considers attractive, but ordinarily, she will not seek to engage in sex unless the male behaves in a manner that makes her feel “desirable.” This feeling of being desired is part of the female arousal process, and without it, sex can feel perfunctory and provide no pleasure. For a female to experience an orgasm, typically she needs for the male to make her feel a certain way… cherished, protected, desired or what we called “loved.” Nature has programmed her to “test” the male’s commitment to her before she commits to 9 months of pregnancy, since she will be vulnerable during and immediately after this period. Having a male around, and being assured he will stick around assures her that she will be safe.

As the old adage goes, women give sex to get love, and men give love to get sex.

I *NEVER* went on ‘autopilot’, got lost in the moment, or whatever – I enjoyed sex, but it wasn’t the massive passion-dump she’s describing here, nor has it been that pleasurable in the past – 15 years or so. It was pleasant – but not THAT pleasant. I sometimes wonder how things would go if I had a male companion that was interested in me. I’m married, so that option isn’t on the table right now.

Now, take a Transsexual female who has just reached puberty, and finds herself attracted to females. The part of her brain responsible for sexual attraction becomes very confused. The masculine part of her brain feels the intense desire to have sex with a female she finds attractive, but the feminine part says, “I want her to want me.” She doesn’t want to “take” sex from the object of her desire because that’s not what females do, but she very much would like it to be given to her, so she feels desired, cherished and so on. Basically, her sex drive is like a male’s, but her need to feel desired is like a females. So when the Transsexual female seeks to “bond” with a female she finds attractive, they both want the same thing from each other, which neither of them feel comfortable giving. The end result is the attraction devolves into a “friendship”, which is fine for the cisfemale, but leaves the Transsexual female feeling frustrated and rejected.

That’s pretty much how I feel – and felt very depressed when I first realized the issue – but was unable to express it this way.

She is still deeply aroused by the concept of possessing a female, so she thinks, “how can I get closer to the object of my desire?” “How can I indulge myself in a sexual encounter without a female present?” Perhaps there is a substitute… something that can make me feel both desired as a female (like a woman does), while at the same time possessing a female (like a man does.)” And thus a *coping strategy* is devised. Like most adolescent girls, a Transsexual female wants to express her femininity, see herself as others see her… pretty, feminine, sexy, alluring, desirable. This is completely natural, so the idea that a Transsexual female would want to dress as, and appear as, a woman is completely understandable. Expected even. I’ve never spoken to a single Trans woman who did not cross-dress at some point, even if it was only once.

Yet she also has this extreme, testosterone-fueled urge to have sex. Ordinary adolescent boys relieve this, obviously, through masturbation – usually to the thought or idea of a female (usually naked.) A Trans woman feels this same feeling, but her brain gender tells her she IS female. How can she avoid the inevitable conflagration of the two? Her brain is telling her, “I’m attracted to females, I am a female, but since I can’t express my female sexuality in public, I must do it in private. To fulfill my female need to feel desired sexually, I will make myself both the target and object of desire, thus fulfilling both the male and female needs at once.

So there you have it. Erotic cross-dressing is a COPING STRATEGY that non-homosexual Transsexual females use to basically keep from going insane. It is a SYMPTOM of Transsexualism… an attempt to relieve the intense gender dysphoria brought on by massive levels of pubertal testosterone acting on her female brain.

At least this is my theory.

Certainly, this fits MY experience…


Now, think about what happens to male bodies as they get into their forties and fifties. Testosterone DROPS. The coping strategy is needed less and less because less testosterone equals lower libido, but the DYSPHORIA is as strong as ever. Take away the testosterone and you’re left with a female gender identity and a brain starved for hormones. Introduce ESTROGEN, and magic happens. All of a sudden, your shoes are no longer on the wrong feet. You feel “right” and “correct” for the first time in your life. The feeling of correctness confirms beyond a shadow of a doubt who you are – and what you need to do. Hello second puberty.


My guess is, if all Trans females received estrogen and testosterone suppression, and went through a normal female puberty, erotic cross-dressing would be almost as rare as it is in cisfemales.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s