A friend posted about someone that’s and FtM Trans* Person, and I felt my response was blog-worthy. You can find the ORIGINAL at: http://nezumiko.wordpress.com/2014/07/12/transition-blues/
“But there are some things about men I really hate. Well, about patriarchy, I guess. Not about men, or being a man myself, but about sexist, male-centric culture. I hate it enough to feel oddly uncomfortable identifying myself as male.”
Yeah – it’s not fun STARTING there either.
“I’m still a feminist. I’m still a liberal. I’m still queer. I still like anime and sci-fi and fantasy, and cute kids and pets, and bright colors and shiny things, and Japanese art, and all the other things about me that make me me.”
…for various definitions of “feminist” and “Liberal” – yeah…
The other things – I have to wonder if they’re something many of us share because of our position in society.
“Transition has allowed me to shuck a layer of falseness, stop pretending to be something I’m not, and just get on with the business of being myself.”
“But there’s a loss to transition, as well as a gain”
NOT making the obvious joke here….
“It makes me sad, in a deep, existential place, to know that I’ve given up membership in a Sisterhood I never really fit into, but always wanted to, to find myself stuck with “men’s right’s activists” and dudebros as the fellows of my new tribe. I hated men like that as a woman; I hate them even more as a man”
We – will ALWAYS be trans*.
Transition (of a multitude of definitions of ‘transition’) is how we address the pain of being different from the Binary crowd. Most of us will never really BE the target gender – because we missed out on the ‘formative’ years, because we’re too old, because the wrong hormones did too much damage, because we can’t afford….
…it’s a LONG list.
We survive, many of us thrive – some of us crawl through life barely able to support ourselves.
Frankly – I get tired of dealing with it at times.
…but continuing to breath sometimes depends on ‘dealing with it’
The energy needed sometimes to do THAT is…. draining. Yet I *will* continue.
“And yeah, yeah, #notallmen. There are certainly more awesome men in my life than awful ones, but it only takes a few rotten apples to spoil the whole barrel”
…one cutey can make MY whole day. 😉
“I hate that some women I meet fear me, just a little, just for being male. I hate that I can’t smile at a kid in the grocery store without being a suspect pedophile, can’t walk down a sidewalk without having to cut a wide berth around any woman walking alone. Hate the look in her eyes as I go by”
….I always wondered about that – this makes it more clear.
“And I know that look, because it’s ingrained in me. I spent too many years living as a woman not to be just as instinctively afraid of men, especially men on their own. I know exactly what she’s afraid of because I’m still afraid of it, too, and I hate that I’ve become part of the problem just by existing. That by becoming visibly male, I’ve made the world feel that little bit more unsafe for that women”
YOU haven’t become ‘part of the problem’.
You can’t change millenia of idiots.
I know – I tried.
Four wasted decades.
Just be yourself.
You can’t DO any more than that.
“The farther away my days as a female get, the more self-conscious I feel. I pass Victoria’s Secret in the mall and find myself averting my eyes from the lingerie displays, because they most definitely aren’t for me, and any woman who caught me looking at them would probably read me as a creep”
…..some girls think it’s hot. Trust me on this one….
“I don’t smile at kids anymore, or I do and then I flinch away”
Don’t hide who you are. ACTIONS speak – assumptions, well – you know the thing about ASSUME being broken down.
Don’t let Your assumptions about other people’s thoughts destroy you. Don’t let them CHANGE who you really are.
If you do – then the Patriarchy really HAS won.
“Or I make a quick comparison to my nephew, to reassure the parent that I’m not a creepy predator, I’m a gay uncle. I try to appear gay, even though I’m really bisexual, because gay men are less threatening to women.”
…but – Gay Men are threatening to straight men.
That’s WHY they react like that.
They fear getting boned up the ass more than anything, I think.
“I’m not blaming those women for being afraid. They have every right to be afraid. I’ve lived that fear myself. I still have that fear.”
Set the fear aside.
It serves no one, and NOW has no basis.
….unless you fear getting forcably ass-boned.
(Yeah, I bet that hurts…)
“What I want to say is this: Sexism is bad for society, period”
It’s patently STUPID
“I have a dual perspective on it that makes it even clearer to me how that works, because it hurt me as a woman, and in a different way, it hurts me as a man. It hurts women more. It definitely hurts women more, but it also hurts men. And until there is real equality, it will keep hurting us all”
No one wins in the Patriarchy Game.