Coming Out

A friend recently asked me if I plan to come out at work.

Strangely enough, the answer is really dependent on whether or not I can still pass as a GUY before I retire.

I already get quizzical looks, and I honestly get a giggle out of some people’s reactions. While I haven’t been physically assaulted since I was 14, the arguments of some ill-tempered assholes still give me pause. What would they do if they KNEW I was transgender?

The self-righteousness of some people seems to over-ride their insistence that all of us have the same rights.

THEIR rights to not see or interact with people like me seems to be ‘more equal’ in their eyes, and I have zero rights to object, or lay claim my right to exist, expect decent modern medical treatment, etc. The tendency of some to shout me down makes it obvious, that they’re hypocrites of the first order.

<sigh>

It’s Texas, and every time something rains on their sad little parade of personal supremacy, their assholery pops out like mushrooms – ugly, squatty, stinky mushrooms.

From the other side of the room, Other People seem to think their political goals (of which they demand I should be a part) over-rides the individual rights outlined in the Constitution. Sorry, as far as THOSE people are concerned, I’m the Lone Ranger. …and I’ve got a great f***ing theme song.

“are you coming out?”

“…no thanks, I’m staying inside where it’s cool and I don’t get sunburn”

I get it, but I work so much better now, on estradiol, that additional changes don’t seem as necessary – clothes, makeup, surgery, and so on. At my age – 62 – I look back and I’m really rather pleased I’m ALIVE.

I’m too old to PUSH certain things, but not too old to change as the necessity becomes apparent.

…but – if I ever CoPlay as Jessica Rabbit, I’ll make sure to post some photos…..

Three years ago I was still an anxious, depressed older man incapable of basic decision-making. The difference is *dramatic* from my point of view. Posts like this are PART of coming out. We’re social animals, we need interaction, I need feedback.

I’m happy for the first bloody time in my life, I’m not jumping through any hoops to make someone else happy that isn’t themselves actually dedicated to making ME happy. I understand the nature of compromise, I played that game far too long.

“Southern Baptist” isn’t “Christian”, sorry…..

If I were in my 20’s….. even 30’s – maybe I’d push slightly harder at publicly presenting female.

I am not an ‘activist’ – though to some (usually on the political “right”) it might appear that I’m being one simply by not continuing to cower in my closet.

But I’m just a girl trying to sort out life from the inside of a very male and somewhat overweight (still) body. I’m just another human in an unusual situation.

I don’t owe “The Transgender Community” anything, I never PROMISED them anything. I may owe some individuals in said community the return of a few favors (mainly for pointing out where to look) – but if you know me, you know I’m not a Believer in “Collectivist Responsibility”. Human Society has never managed to make Collectivism work.

Human Society has always been about taking care of those next to you in the foxhole. The people throwing shit my direction have never been in my Foxhole. They can jolly well **** off….. If you want my vote, suggest things that are rational – you know, like fixing roads, enforcing existing immigration law, limiting the actual excesses of government.

I know who I am, my coming out isn’t a political goal or a gate-keeping requirement.

My presenting as female would be for MY comfort – not someone else’s. If it’s more trouble than wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I need to profit from it in some (probably emotional) way. I don’t suffer continuous dysphoria from not presenting female.

It’s likely fetal exposure to DES is why I’m “a little different” – my 45+ years of exposure to testosterone and all those years of attempted socialization makes it virtually impossible I’m going to be happy doing or wearing “girly” things if I’m not happy with the way I look….

…and I’m an artist.

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