About That “250 Incidents Of Transgender Criminal Activity” Link Going Around Tumblr.

Hard to classify this kind of hate.

Rani Baker Digs You.

PROTIP: This is not a trans woman.

transcrimez2Apparently this concept is difficult to grasp.

With that in mind, some of you may have already had this link of  “Over 250 Reported Incidents Of Transgender Criminal Activity” shoved in your face as supposed “proof” that trans women are as inclined (or even more so) to violent criminal activity than gender-conforming men. Pretty fucking daunting, right? TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY CASES BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

It’s sobering and certainly makes you reconsider your ideology and…

I honestly wonder how many people even bothered to actually read it tho.

Sweet lord Satan I did, and if I had a genie I’d wish for those couple of hours of my life back. But here we are.

Before we get the article, how about a little background of it? Because I am nothing if not thorough. Near the bottom of the original Tumblr post…

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Passenger’s sexist note left on WestJet flight stirs pilot’s heated response

“Respectfully with love” – really?

…can you think of a more patronizing way to say “I’m better than you, because I’m a sexist bigot”?

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Second Anniversary…. a milestone?

You know, I still find that purple-haired avatar appealing. 

I “figured it out” two years ago as of yesterday, I never do anything on time. Women are always supposed to be late, right? 

I’m still here, I haven’t self-destructed – I’m still married – I’m still employed. Considering the emotional storms I’ve been through, I’m fairly happy with that. I’ve been in therapy almost two years, and I’m off of Anti-depressants. 

When it became apparent to me I was a transsexual, I thought I’d simply acknowledge that, and move on with my life. 

It’s just not that simple….. Gender asserts itself. It has – for all of my life – I simply wasn’t aware that was what it was. I don’t know just what it’s like with others, those that know from early in their lives. I was simply sort of ‘not attached’ to any of the activities that men did, that men were normally engaged in. I’d like to engage in hypnotherapy at some point to see if there was some punishment or event that kept me from seeing my female mindset early on – or if it’s simply something I didn’t have the ability to see in myself. Perhaps I simply had no example I was allowed to follow. It frankly bugs me a little – but I’m smart enough to know that I may never figure that out. 

I find myself somewhat slowly being moved in a more feminine direction. I’ve experienced what we call ‘dysphoria’ since – well, probably a bit before I figured things out. It’s that anxiety that ‘broke’ me on the 3rd of March two years ago. I find my sexuality has shifted – not simply that I find some aspects of male masculinity attractive, but I actually feel the same ‘urges’ some women feel in response to those sexual clues. It’s primal, and is coming from a place deep inside me. I get what women want out of a man. I’m ‘hitting puberty’ in some ways. 

I can’t believe how much I LOVE having long hair now, I haven’t had it cut for almost two years now. I simply like seeing myself as more feminine – it makes me happy in a way I can’t really understand – it simply IS….I’ve never been so happy that I felt like crying. I do at times now. My ’emotional range’ is something I try to allow to assert itself. I know now why I was a ‘crybaby’ as a boy – it was because I was a girl. That makes more sense than anything else I’ve tried to figure out. 


I haven’t started any hormone replacement therapy. I hadn’t planned on it at first, I’d simply planned on dealing with what I (and many other trans* people) call “brain fog”. I started taking pregnenolone based on posts in the ‘Gender Research for all Genders’ group on Facebook to see if that helped – I not only feel sharper, I feel much less anxiety than I did, and my depression is only coming in ‘normal’ spurts and related to my dysphoria. 

It seems – from the tests I’ve gotten my endocrinologist to run – that I’ve got oddball endocrinology – SHBG is tying up all my testosterone. I may have had low progesterone along with low available testosterone. 


I no longer plan on NOT transitioning – but I have to ensure my family and I are in good shape financially. I think that I’ll be healthier emotionally and physically if I do transition. The reason for that is not simply the health advantages of ‘running on estrogen’, or my odd endocrinology. My Dad tells me that Mom ‘took all sorts of things’ while she was pregnant with me. I strongly suspect I was exposed to DES – and that ‘modified’ some things about me. 

Matthew 19: …11But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. 12“For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.”


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Reconciling a personality….

On a Faceplant list I’m on, Someone posted a question….

“what age were you when you realized your body didn’t match your gender?”


“Where you a feminine child or did you hide it for a while?”

In retrospect, yes – got called sissy, fag, and queer a lot as a child – up to my Junior year of high
school. Didn’t understand why then.

I didn’t ‘hide’ it, as much as ‘didn’t realize’ it. Quite heavy religious repression as a child.

I really had no real sense of ‘gender’ as a child – or much of my adult life. Didn’t fit in with the
‘guys’, and wasn’t allowed/trained not to fit in with the ‘girls’ – didn’t like ‘guy’ things, still don’t.

As I go through therapy, it’s increasingly apparent I suppressed my female identity from a VERY young age.

I don’t connect well emotionally to being female, but the mannerisms, behaviors, sexual expression and
needs, emotional responses – ALL are more in the ‘feminine’ range than the male if looked at rationally.

I don’t connect AT ALL with being male, despite 50+ years of immersion in it.

That’s the best short answer I can give. Like any Trans* person, the answer is obviously more involved – but I think that’s the best summary to date.

I continue with therapy, and I’ve been off the antidepressants for months now. I take a number of over-the-counter supplements that seem – as a group – to help me stay on an even keel emotionally. The biggest boost has to be my recent addition of Pregnenolone. It’s a precursor to all the sex hormones. It seems, based on the symptoms and symptom improvement, that I’ve been suffering from a shortage of them for some time – I suspect progesterone was the worst of the shortages. I see my ‘insulin doctor’ in a few days, and
I need to lay out my reasoning on paper so I can explain it (in case dysphoria or anxiety kicks in while trying to explain it to him).

As the title implies, I’m attempting to put myself back together emotionally – to re-assemble something like a normal personality instead of the male mask that I constructed to satisfy other people. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to remember things in my occasional moments of clarity. It’s not so much that I don’t have much clarity – but that I’m realizing what a mess I am emotionally and cognitively. The pregnenolone boosts ALL my hormones, and I’m biologically male – so it’s probably boosting testosterone as well. I can
‘ride the wave’ and see that it limits me emotionally and intellectually – while boosting me physcially.

In looking back, I re-live things – trying to see where things went wrong and right. I try to re-discover things long stuffed into little cracks in the corners of my mind. I allow myself to experience emotions I was told weren’t ‘proper’ for little boys, and had suppressed habitually for decades. It’s like puberty in some ways, there’s an emotional roller-coaster that never *quite* stops. In observing other women – and yes, I identify slightly more as one now – that seems to be normal.

It’s scary and liberating at the same time.


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Back in the saddle, sort of….

It’s been a while, as I’ve frankly been too tired to post. I work some ODD shifts, and I just got back on my ‘usual’ shift. 

Upon looking at blogs like those by my friend Zoe Brain ( http://aebrain.blogspot.com/ ) and Zinnia Jones  ( with whom I have no relationship – http://freethoughtblogs.com/zinniajones/ ) – I tend to think of mine as rather amateurish. I am an amateur I suppose – I don’t even have a ‘tip jar’ set up. Hopefully, once I re-acclimatize to something like a normal workday and get used to writing more regularly, it will improve. I really do need to get in the habit of writing more, but at least I know WHY I have issues now. Recent events, insights, and Zinnia’s latest blog leads me to the conclusion that I’ve been dealing with ‘dysphoria’ for a VERY long time. Her latest post is here: http://freethoughtblogs.com/zinniajones/2013/09/that-was-dysphoria-8-signs-and-symptoms-of-indirect-gender-dysphoria/

I encourage you to go read her breakdown, which is more than the simple list I’ve ‘stolen’ here. She really does nail it for me, insofar as how I’ve felt for so long – since before PUBERTY, honestly. She breaks it down into the following issues:

1. Continual difficulty with simply getting through the day.

2. A sense of misalignment, disconnect, or estrangement from your own emotions.

3. A feeling of just going through the motions in everyday life, as if you’re always reading from a script.

4. A seeming pointlessness to your life, and no sense of any real meaning or ultimate purpose

5. Knowing you’re somehow different from everyone else, and wishing you could be normal like them. 

6. A notable escalation in the severity of these symptoms during puberty.

7. Attempting to fix this on your own through various coping mechanisms. 

8. Substantial resolution of these symptoms in a very obvious way upon transitioning, particularly upon initiating HRT.

Every one of these ring true except #8, because I’m still trying to find ‘coping mechanisms’. Nothing really helps. I’m *functional* but that’s about all. 

My next ‘goalpost’ is the 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millon_Clinical_Multiaxial_Inventory ..mainly to insure that I don’t have MORE issues that don’t show up besides ‘Gender Dysphoria. 

In a perfect world, I’d already be in the process of transition. I can’t really do that, as I have to make a living, I’m a father, and a husband. The best I think I can do until after I retire is low dose estradiol and androgen blockers. Once I’ve started that, hopefully I won’t have to worry about boobs – though I’d personally love to have them at this point – and (according to more than just Zinnia’s experience ) MOST if not all the ‘dysphoria’ will go away. 

Another piece I’ve read is located here: http://avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

Basically, I fit ‘type three’ to a large degree. I’m a classic ‘late bloomer’. There was simply no way I could have known because my feelings weren’t ‘gender specific’ at all until September of 2010, when I started looking on the Internet to find an answer to the issues that started to more and more come to the forefront of my mind. 

I think that I’m emotional healthier now – a bit more stable – and my brain is ‘healing’. I’m not ‘there’ yet, but is anyone EVER ‘there’ in terms of being happy? I’m certainly better off, but the answer is that I’m a transexual, in all likelyhood – It “Tends to be progressive” as Zoe says…. 


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…some Fundamental Problems

This started out as many of my blog posts are apt to do) as a response on one of my (FAR TOO MANY) discussions on Facebook, it sorta evolved into a rant….ENJOY!


The things Fundamentalists have problems wrapping their head around are just amazing, how can one be rational and think like that? (oh, wait, you can’t – well that explains some things)

People are born gay. They *are*. The problem is that this means that God is NOT attendant to things that are outside His purpose. Fundamentalists think it all revolves around them and their agenda.

What – exactly – IS their agenda? I can’t see much of Christianity in it.

God allows free will – otherwise we’d basically be robots. Evil HAS to exist for free will to exist. Give that some thought – it implies we CAN’T have a ‘always attentive’ God.

We are spiritual beings held in a physical shell, this ‘life’ is temporary – something Atheists have problems with philosophically. <shrug> Tough – You can’t bitch about all the evil – and then complain about no free will at the same time…

God only steps in when there are issues having to do with His mission for YOU – our HIS mission on Earth. No other time.

You don’t believe in Him? Hey…your choice (Free Will, remember?) he’s simply not going to be present in any form unless you are part of His purpose here.

If you’re part of His purpose, stand by – it gets BUMPY.

That Fundamentalists think God hinges on their every thought and the world revolves around their viewpoint – says things about their average level of maturity, and also their ability to read and absorb what the Bible means. Christ was MEEK – he was God incarnate – yet he set himself up as a servant for many.

You really think that He’s horribly worried about what your views on nonsense like ‘transubstantiation’ are?

I’d wager He’s FAR more concerned with how you treat you loved ones and strangers.

Sodom was about a people that were unkind to strangers and were not generous about helping others with their excess. It was NOT about buttsecks. Again, you have to wonder why they worry about the things they do.

(Hint – it’s RUDE to beat people to death with your holy book)

Your son is gay? – help him understand how that will play out in his life, don’t try to force him to hide it, that’s unhealthy and it’s not going to CHANGE anything. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, you people are READING IT WRONG.

Your Daughter is a Lesbian? Dance with BOTH brides at the wedding.

One of your kids is Bi? Help them to work out how that affects their relationships.

Transgender? Cry with them – Hug them – because that road is a tough one.

– Six Literal Days? Really? Even reading the text in English, that has to be wrong. Try ‘epochs’ – MUCH more appropriate word there.


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Why Us, and how?

I’m going to outline a few things I understand about why people like us ‘happen’. I’m not an expert, and someone may well correct me, but here goes….

During early development a fetus is ‘female’ as far as the ‘mechanics’ are concerned, Later developments during hormonal “baths” either shift the fetus to male or don’t. There are some things that happen along the way if things ‘work correctly’.

Genetics is part of the reason why some of us are transgender (or gay, lesbian, etc…). It’s not clear if ONLY genetics has a lot to do with it, but we know that  ‘Epigenetics’ also comes into play. 

Epigenetics  has to do with how a chromosome ‘twists’ physically – like a hair, but it’s proportionately MUCH longer. The chromosome twists up into a ball – and if two adjacent genes responsible for ‘transness’ or ‘gayness’ must come close to each other AND be bathed in the wrong sex hormoes at the wrong time – the child’s orientation will differ from the norm in a number of ways. We can’t yet predict HOW – or even – this is going to happen.

Transexuality and all the related conditions – the entire LBGTQI spectrum – all work the same way – they interrelate, you can be a mix.

Epigenetics, Stress on the mother, environmental conditions during the pregnancy….these are the things that lead to a fetus later becoming something ‘outside the norm’ of human binary sexual behavior.

Stress on the mother can change the nature of the hormone bath. It’s not yet clear HOW and WHAT all these stresses can be.

All this appears to be a ‘vulnerability’ whose execution is dependent on the conditions of the pregnancy.

There’s a theory that population stress is ONE of those stress-ors – as well as a variety of others – and that evolution brought it about as a positive adaptation to RELIEVE that stress.

Gay Individuals (and most of the LGBTQI spectrum) rarely have children. This helps alleviate population pressure relatively benignly.

Transgender persons are also generally more capable of dealing with stress, as well as being (on average) more intelligent. The entire LGBTQI spectrum tends to be – on average – more intelligent.

The rate of transgender persons in the Special Forces across the globe is FOUR TIMES that in the general population. It’s believed to be a desire on their part to ‘prove their manhood’. While that may be true – there is theorized to be an evolutionary impetus to create ‘soldier ants’ to be guardians of the species as a whole.

It’s also worth nothing that ‘two spirit’ individuals are historically honored for their wisdom in some societies.

I have to wonder if the societal rejection is not also some sort of evolutionary countermeasure to prevent ‘sports’ like this from becoming the norm. I’d like to see actual percentage a from a variety of historical societies – but THAT would require a time machine.

I’m very much FOR allowing individuals to act privately as they desire, so long as they don’t harm others in the process. I see no harm at all in allowing individuals of the same sex to marry – and a great deal of harm in forbidding it.

If you can be prejudiced against ONE harmless group of people, you can justify it in ANY case. It’s a bad precedent to set.

There is no Biblical issue with Gay Couples despite the nonsense that bigots behind pulpits claim – using the Greek of their own Bible to prove it.



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