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Found a Support Group

I’ve started keeping sporadic track of the times I feel more ‘feminine’ and the times I’m down. It helps a little to track just when (or if) I have a monthly rhythm. Honestly – I think I might – but it could also be times that I’m simply not eating right or not taking my insulin at the right dosage. 

I’m still taking 50 mg of Pregnenolone twice a day, and I really think the progesterone boost helps immensely. 

There are times I’m very male still, but there are also times I feel very feminine. I cry at odd things, and easily at times. I’ve also FINALLY found a support group – here: http://www.agapemcc.com/ 

…my first meeting was last night, I met a facebook friend there, the person that told me about them – and someone else that has the same issues. It took me more than a month to make up my mind to go and screw up the courage to go there. The fact that it was a little disorganized actually turned out to be helpful. The three of us were the last ones to leave, as we ended up talking out in the parking lot for some time. I hope they decide to attend regularly too, as I realize now just how isolated I’ve been – and how much I need to be with people like myself.

I was busy today, but the meeting also made me realize I need to get busy and get organized. 

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6 Comments

May 22, 2014 · 5:31 am

Born this way….

Today, a poignant graphic….
Image

My own kids (18 & 22) didn’t react as emotionally as I did when I told them a couple of weeks ago of my issues with Gender and Sexual attraction. Children understand Love, and they start to understand sexual attraction (if things work right) in their teens.

I prayed a LOT when I started to shift emotionally. I’d always been ‘the odd one’ but had never seen myself as ‘gay-oriented’ in any manner. But, I’d never ‘fit in’ anywhere for long, and I never felt as if I had to condemn others for who their were – I was far less uncomfortable around people I knew to be gay than my friends. I found myself – at 53 years old – crying uncontrollably at times, and increasingly attracted to men, I was very much at a loss for WHY this was happening.

One of my triggers when things started was when I saw a webcomic character that had access to technology that enabled him to become ‘her’ at will. Something ‘clicked’ then – that tapped feelings in me that had likely been suppressed for decades, and I began to remember all the times that I’d shoved away things that I found attractive – but had shoved away because my upbringing – family, church, community – had beaten into me was wrong.

I’ve been beaten quite literally – I was bullied a lot in school – and left for dead in a parking lot in Las Vegas by some drug store cowboy that thought I was gay and that I’d offended him….

I was brought up Southern Baptist, which is only a couple of steps away from Westboro-style nincompoopery in all honesty. My mother is (almost literally) nuts, and a hypocrite of the first order. Some say it’s because she was abused as a child – there is evidence to support that. Some think that the Scarlet Fever she had when I was a child had something to do with it – mom never changed as far as I can tell. She’s ALWAYS been the same to me – and only once I’d seen what life was like away from her – after my parent’s divorced – did I start to realize how much her own problems had bled over into my life. I made a promise to myself then, if I ever had kids, that I’d make every effort to not let the poison continue into my children’s lives. I’d like to think that I largely succeeded, even if I’m more distant than I would have preferred to be from them.

I’ve grown as a Christian, even if I end up breaking some rules – This fellow’s view is pretty close to my own:

http://www.lewrockwell.com/orig11/mullen-t2.1.1.html

I’m not really convinced that ‘gay sex’ is breaking the rules if you’re in a  loving relationship – I readily admit I could be wrong, but I will NOT submit to teachers that tell me I’m wrong for seeing men in that light. Given the scandals the regularly rock the Catholic and Protestant branches of ‘Christendom’, I don’t think they have the Authority to call me on it.

I was born this way – and it’s pretty obvious to me I was.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BsLd4Y060Q

No one SEEKS to be this way – certainly not me. I have a family, a GOOD wife, and a decent job. I suddenly (relatively speaking) found out I had a preference is for what are called ‘twinks’ in the Gay Community. ( I don’t care that much for muscly guys – I like effeminate guys and slightly butch or VERY curvy women) …I’m sure more than a few of my family would be shocked to hear that….

3 Comments

February 7, 2013 · 6:48 pm

Another’s view….

http://pinkessence.com/profiles/blog/show?id=1451021%3ABlogPost%3A867963

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February 6, 2013 · 2:13 am